Decay Report
"You are 946,080,000 seconds old. Decomposition is on schedule."
Download shortcut⏱ No setup
Open this page in Safari on an iPhone. The file goes straight into Shortcuts.
What happens
They enter their birthday and get a report: how many seconds old they are, roughly how many times their heart has beaten and how often they’ve blinked. Then: Decomposition is on schedule.
Setup
- Send them the download link. Perfect as a birthday card.
- Bonus: it also works as a Siri phrase. “Hey Siri, Decay Report.”
Undo
Nothing persistent. Delete the shortcut.